Texts From Last Night

Worst Nights of the Month

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??

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  (614): The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!?? http://tfl.nu/bmvr
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?

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  (305): Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference? http://tfl.nu/v6oa
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  (310): View more from California

  I'm so sick

  (323): View more from California

  I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.

  (310): View more from California

  That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..

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  (310): I'm so sick (323): I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night. (310): That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy.. http://tfl.nu/0aa2
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.

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  (603): I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband. http://tfl.nu/f6ah
  Replies (3) Good night (212) Bad night (1248)
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  (805): View more from California

  I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life

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  (805): I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life http://tfl.nu/x15r
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.

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  (810): I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me. http://tfl.nu/noof
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.

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  (443): He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever. http://tfl.nu/42ep
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"

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  (+44): he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest" http://tfl.nu/pc1a
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.

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  (218): Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life. http://tfl.nu/7bi7
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.

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  (647): The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus. http://tfl.nu/lyxj
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  (916): View more from California

  ............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help

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  (916): ............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help http://tfl.nu/sdm1
  Replies (6) Good night (199) Bad night (1170)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.

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  (484): there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now. http://tfl.nu/o3be
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.

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  (302): You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English. http://tfl.nu/fod6
  Replies (5) Good night (320) Bad night (1161)
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  (415): View more from California

  So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...

  (1-415): View more from California

  So no fakes?

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  (415): So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail... (1-415): So no fakes? http://tfl.nu/49wz
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  (415): View more from California

  also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...

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  (415): also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable... http://tfl.nu/fb10
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