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Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
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