Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (941)

Last Night in Florida (941)

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We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.

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(941): We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships. http://tfl.nu/x14j

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Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married

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(941): Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married http://tfl.nu/yr2i

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I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.

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(941): I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged. http://tfl.nu/0scq

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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.

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Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.

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(941): It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere. (1-941): Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine. http://tfl.nu/u4qq

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Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation

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(941): Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation http://tfl.nu/t0q4

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I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.

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(941): I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt. http://tfl.nu/lbvc

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You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.

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(941): You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard. http://tfl.nu/vxrl

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I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now

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(941): I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now http://tfl.nu/pfr6

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Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains

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(941): Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains http://tfl.nu/tyep

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Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?

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(941): Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night? http://tfl.nu/uq24

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Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.

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(941): Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything. http://tfl.nu/u3ar

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Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?

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(941): Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass? http://tfl.nu/sdtw

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wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.

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it was a krispy kreme

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(609): wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut. (941): it was a krispy kreme http://tfl.nu/o743

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Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk

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Crosswalk actually

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(941): Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk (813): Crosswalk actually http://tfl.nu/wtpi

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Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?

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(941): Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket? http://tfl.nu/fc98

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Last Night in Florida (941)

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