Texts From Last Night

Goosealoose's Favorites Texts:

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  (650): View more from California

  i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.

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  (650): i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text. http://tfl.nu/726d
  Replies (44) Good night (991) Bad night (3695) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.

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  (610): There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper. http://tfl.nu/5c6l
  Replies (7) Good night (500) Bad night (2540) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome

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  (612): adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome http://tfl.nu/w0f6
  Replies (48) Good night (3436) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.

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  (812): she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying. http://tfl.nu/q1xu
  Replies (5) Good night (419) Bad night (3423) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster

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  (970): He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster http://tfl.nu/ubg8
  Replies (86) Good night (731) Bad night (3459) Order T-Shirt
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Who won?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  All of them.

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  (225): I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away. (504): Who won? (225): All of them. http://tfl.nu/xlra
  Replies (81) Good night (9030) Bad night (1423)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  what day is it and did you see me today?

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  (225): what day is it and did you see me today? http://tfl.nu/sgc7
  Replies (7) Good night (5870) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.

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  (225): ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby. http://tfl.nu/ceb0
  Replies (82) Good night (965) Bad night (3567) Order T-Shirt
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.

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  (225): I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime. http://tfl.nu/9cqb
  Replies (18) Good night (506) Bad night (5136) Order T-Shirt
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.

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  (225): We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed. http://tfl.nu/eoiy
  Replies (24) Good night (1136) Bad night (5107) Order T-Shirt
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  wtf

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?

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  (225): wtf (1-225): I'm guessing you saw the bathroom? http://tfl.nu/q0h6
  Replies (12) Good night (3944) Bad night (1158) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.

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  (701): two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room. http://tfl.nu/az3h
  Replies (31) Good night (551) Bad night (8276) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.

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  (813): They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century. http://tfl.nu/yuyb
  Replies (14) Good night (3708) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for

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  (304): She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for http://tfl.nu/s392
  Replies (19) Good night (3451) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.

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  (815): if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it. http://tfl.nu/9gem
  Replies (48) Good night (1553) Bad night (5641) Order T-Shirt
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.

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  (580): I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off. http://tfl.nu/wwj4
  Replies (11) Good night (3373) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating

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  (240): Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating http://tfl.nu/ynhz
  Replies (19) Good night (901) Bad night (3092) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death

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  (206): I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death http://tfl.nu/irfc
  Replies (14) Good night (3379) Bad night (1204) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.

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  (513): I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before. http://tfl.nu/ut58
  Replies (25) Good night (4487) Bad night (1352)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".

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  (630): You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking". http://tfl.nu/tuao
  Replies (9) Good night (5518) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

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  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (499) Good night (82781) Bad night (7561)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How was it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Fantastic, but that's not the point.

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  (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk
  Replies (199) Good night (82933) Bad night (6395)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

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  (214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. http://tfl.nu/p67s
  Replies (178) Good night (82660) Bad night (2366) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

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  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1608) Good night (161142) Bad night (40056) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

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  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (484) Good night (128123) Bad night (5055)