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I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
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