Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Florida (941)

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  (941): View more from Florida

  Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.

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  (941): Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil. http://tfl.nu/r5gy
  Replies (1) Good night (1389) Bad night (222) Order T-Shirt
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  Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.

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  (941): Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila. http://tfl.nu/0941
  Replies (6) Good night (862) Bad night (230) Order T-Shirt
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  I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.

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  (941): I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention. http://tfl.nu/43cq
  Replies (6) Good night (799) Bad night (250) Order T-Shirt
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  My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.

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  (941): My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order. http://tfl.nu/gp8x
  Replies (7) Good night (285) Bad night (1209) Order T-Shirt
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  I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.

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  (941): I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies. http://tfl.nu/7vuv
  Replies (4) Good night (1076) Bad night (241) Order T-Shirt
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  He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.

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  (941): He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward. http://tfl.nu/8plk
  Replies (32) Good night (2196) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
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  I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.

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  (941): I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh. http://tfl.nu/0uja
  Replies (2) Good night (494) Bad night (1571) Order T-Shirt
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  I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.

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  (941): I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head. http://tfl.nu/zqfr
  Replies (4) Good night (914) Bad night (357) Order T-Shirt
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  We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.

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  (941): We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships. http://tfl.nu/x14j
  Replies (4) Good night (2426) Bad night (457)
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  Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married

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  (941): Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married http://tfl.nu/yr2i
  Replies (6) Good night (433) Bad night (1245) Order T-Shirt
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  I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.

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  (941): I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged. http://tfl.nu/0scq
  Replies (2) Good night (1528) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
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  It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.

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  Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.

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  (941): It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere. (1-941): Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine. http://tfl.nu/u4qq
  Replies (12) Good night (2751) Bad night (362)
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  Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation

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  (941): Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation http://tfl.nu/t0q4
  Replies (14) Good night (1323) Bad night (286) Order T-Shirt
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  I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.

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  (941): I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt. http://tfl.nu/lbvc
  Replies (11) Good night (596) Bad night (1819)
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  You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.

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  (941): You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard. http://tfl.nu/vxrl
  Replies (6) Good night (403) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt