Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Ontario (705)

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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen

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  (705): I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen http://tfl.nu/714w
  Replies (5) Good night (531) Bad night (269) Order T-Shirt
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  I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth

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  (705): I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth http://tfl.nu/7ynn
  Replies (12) Good night (1293) Bad night (263) Order T-Shirt
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work

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  (705): You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work http://tfl.nu/80dk
  Replies (5) Good night (1564) Bad night (319) Order T-Shirt
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.

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  (705): Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work. http://tfl.nu/y66t
  Replies (21) Good night (335) Bad night (1493)
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  I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.

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  (705): I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat. http://tfl.nu/3hhj
  Replies (12) Good night (1933) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
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  They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.

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  I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.

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  (707): They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR. (705): I NEED to see if his girl has a sister. http://tfl.nu/ou19
  Replies (9) Good night (2223) Bad night (362)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.

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  (705): He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment. http://tfl.nu/68lb
  Replies (6) Good night (1580) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
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  She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.

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  (705): She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow. http://tfl.nu/x1mn
  Replies (11) Good night (3381) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.

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  (705): Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/v5hf
  Replies (39) Good night (7394) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.

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  (705): I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it. http://tfl.nu/m045
  Replies (3) Good night (987) Bad night (320) Order T-Shirt
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  I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith

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  (705): I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith http://tfl.nu/hj9t
  Replies (3) Good night (617) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
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  Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.

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  (705): Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding. http://tfl.nu/zvb5
  Replies (1) Good night (1221) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
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  I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.

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  (705): I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night. http://tfl.nu/p7qx
  Replies (1) Good night (1173) Bad night (493)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.

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  (705): Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M. http://tfl.nu/1ch5
  Replies (2) Good night (1369) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.

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  (705): in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out. http://tfl.nu/um8l
  Replies (5) Good night (1530) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt