Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Follow @tfln
Cracked IndieClick Humor