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Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
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