Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Michigan (248)

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  Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."

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  (248): Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent." http://tfl.nu/u4zv
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  See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...

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  (248): See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts... http://tfl.nu/yx0v
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  Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.

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  (248): Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation. http://tfl.nu/xu6p
  Replies (6) Good night (1432) Bad night (248)
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  No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage

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  (248): No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage http://tfl.nu/6f8g
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  my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.

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  (248): my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose. http://tfl.nu/g7i9
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  Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.

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  (248): Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market. http://tfl.nu/wxnm
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  I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.

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  (248): I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night. http://tfl.nu/xi8c
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  No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.

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  (248): No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut. http://tfl.nu/0bwj
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  He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.

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  (248): He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup. http://tfl.nu/dnmt
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  My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge

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  (248): My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge http://tfl.nu/bj9s
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  THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST

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  (248): THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST http://tfl.nu/uts3
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  I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.

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  (248): I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose. http://tfl.nu/jv76
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  My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl

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  (248): My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl http://tfl.nu/sa4n
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  Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.

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  (248): Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents. http://tfl.nu/4qnq
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  Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom

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  (248): Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom http://tfl.nu/u2bm
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