Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Connecticut (203)

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  nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.

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  (203): nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night. http://tfl.nu/ahny
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  Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...

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  (203): Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked... http://tfl.nu/yapw
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  Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .

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  (203): Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes . http://tfl.nu/go9x
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  No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.

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  (203): No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience. http://tfl.nu/6ty7
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  A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.

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  (203): A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM. http://tfl.nu/tstz
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  nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.

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  (203): nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles. http://tfl.nu/y6oh
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  I need moral support for this bender

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  (203): I need moral support for this bender http://tfl.nu/bzwm
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  Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now

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  (203): Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now http://tfl.nu/p7dd
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  You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly

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  (203): You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly http://tfl.nu/snl2
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  I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!

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  (203): I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?! http://tfl.nu/b8ik
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  a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.

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  (203): a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away. http://tfl.nu/13eg
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  I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion

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  (203): I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion http://tfl.nu/g8mo
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  Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk

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  (203): Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk http://tfl.nu/skkt
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  WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS

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  (203): WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS http://tfl.nu/964x
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  i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes

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  i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally

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  (203): i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes (203): i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally http://tfl.nu/ln5z
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