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I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
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