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Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
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